I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
