Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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