Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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