covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
