I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
