so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
