Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
