I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
