need another drink. this is the easiest way
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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