Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
