Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
