i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
