What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
