oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
