i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my nose is crying tears of wow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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