Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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