Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
