fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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