While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
