Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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