I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
