You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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