You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
