Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
