Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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