I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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