Yo dont text me then not text me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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