FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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