So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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