I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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