I heard we made out
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
