all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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