I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Floor bacon is actually really good
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
