Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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