I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
