We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
