well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
