"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
