how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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