pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
