It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
