if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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