Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
birth control should be required to get into college
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
