Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
