I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize