No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
