I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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