Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
