Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize