its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
