Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
