every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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