Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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