Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
