I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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