His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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