hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
