It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
