Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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