I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
