i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
