Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
