U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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