I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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