I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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