well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
