I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
