Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
