She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
