yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
