ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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