She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
