I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize