I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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