he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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