If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
