textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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